OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
True strength comes from lack of pants
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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