it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize