Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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