Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
