He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
