Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
