He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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