Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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