were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why did my mother make you get naked?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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