I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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