The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
