Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
we're so committed to being not committed
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
