You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
