her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
