hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
whose parrot is this?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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