i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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