: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Randomize
