Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
