He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
