Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
