I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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