were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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