I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
