sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
