the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
