please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
