Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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