..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
