he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
