Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
