you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
