I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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