Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
