Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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