I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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