So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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