If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
