i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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