i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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