I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
