what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
