So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
