After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
vagina is talking i cant
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
