It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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