standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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