We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
