at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
