watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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