so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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