i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I can't turn off my feet"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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