I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
