I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize