Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
