I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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