I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
