How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
