I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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