I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
