Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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