Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
