i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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