apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
