His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
