i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
