you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
