There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
