I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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