when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The best revenge is premature balding
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
