The best revenge is premature balding
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
