Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
