My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize