playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
