the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
