i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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