Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
