Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
