Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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