My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Of course I have a pirate flag
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
