he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
