my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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