the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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