Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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