I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
