so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
