Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
