so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
