I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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