I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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