Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
