Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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