I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
