Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
