i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
