evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
