I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize