And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We are all done wearing pants today
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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