Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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