I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
