Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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