I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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