every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
