I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
