the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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