I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
