dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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