I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
