2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
