Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
