Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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