That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
