I cockslap morals
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
