he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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