yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
