I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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