This dress was meant to end up on your floor
barbara walters just said penis...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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