I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
