he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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