masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I love having hate sex.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
