Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
